Motivation only goes so far.

I am a logical person. I knew when starting my blog(s) [there have been others], that I may spend the rest of eternity in loneliness and self-loathing. I have another one that I have just started using as an online diary. I keep most of that one set to private.

When I start a new blog I'm happy and enthusiastic and cheerful and elated....and a lot of other words that can stand in as synonyms.

I have had my other blog/diary for about 5 years, it never went anywhere, it has degraded into the shoulder I cry on when the self-loathing creeps up and nags me into the dark hollow that is the bottom of what is left of my heart.

You know you can just scratch blogs and insert any hobby I ever do. I've done photo editing with GIMP and I did indeed become better. It allowed me to do things like this:

And these:

And finally I did trickier things like this:

Now all I really do with GIMP is draw dinky doodles for this blog and cleanup pictures for friends like this:

I also made profile layouts for one site which I have now deleted. I think I made upwards of 80 and never went anywhere. I made Neopets accounts and played them. Designed a shop and signatures for the chat boards (which required learning some HTML), and finally got bored with that.

As a matter of fact the only thing I've managed to stick to and go anywhere with is college and I think that was mostly just to prove to everyone that I'm not stupid. After being in college for four years I'm not sure I accomplished anything but a thorough grasp APA formatting.

Without any feedback or something to encourage me, something that says "Hey you're going somewhere!" I tend to give up on things after a while.

I have learned something nice about keeping a blog here:

The Stats Page. Its this magical page that google has which allows one to see how popular or unpopular the interwebs thinks they are. As long as I keep getting a few views every day and my over-all numbers keep going up, I will keep trying to post interesting things on this blog.

So everyone here is my plea:

Kudos if you don't tilt your head to read the last part, don't be ashamed I do it too.

4 Things I find perturbing

This post might offend people. That is not my intent. This is just a list of things that disturb me for some unknown reason. They are things that when I see them I stop and look for a little while to try and figure out why I find them so unsettling. I've given them a lot of thought and I still just have no idea why they bother me, so here is my random list of unsettling things in no particular order.

The messy pony tail/bun thing some women wear at the top of their heads.

I know, I know people might have reasons for wearing their hair like this it just disturbs me for some reason. It looks all dirty, and grungy, and just..yuck. It makes me want to go brush my hair. Blargh.

Useless pockets. You only really see them on women's shirts. Know what I mean? That tiny useless breast pocket at the top of your boob?

I do not see the purpose in this tiny pocket. It is useless. It sits there and does absolutely nothing. You might be able to put a chap stick in it but most women just keep that in their purse. I'm going to buy a shirt with this useless pocket and paint sprinkles on it. Then I will always have my very own Titty Sprinkles. At least mine will have a purpose.

Really heavy or poorly done make-up. It is unsettling. I can't say I have ever met someone that looked like Mi Mi, but it is unsettling.

How about the ladies that like to wear the wrong shade foundation so they end up with that line around their face so they look like they are wearing a flesh mask? When I am at work and see this I want to dive bomb them over the counter with make-up wipes to fix the monstrosity that is their face.


People with really short legs and a long torso. I know they have no control over this and it is their genetics.  No one is perfect, and the world is more interesting to look at with them in it, but it still perturbs me. It just looks so weird to me. 0.0 I probably shouldn't stare but I expect them to flick out their tongue and hiss. They make me think of weird mutated snakes with legs sticking out where there should be none. Snake people with vestigial limbs...

I think this is enough ranting about things that perturb me. I might think of more later but for now you will have to cope with just this.

Beating Your Siblings Right

These look familiar right? Everyone seen twizzlers? I grew up with 4 younger sisters and for most of my life I had a younger step brother too. So I was basically the eldest child of 6. As the eldest I was not allowed to hit them. They could torment me all they wanted and I was not allowed to touch them, even in defense of myself.

Ever seen one of these? This is a twizzler welt. When I was a happy early teen (they call that tween now, right?) I used to babysit. I was allowed to spend my money however I chose. To a young teen in the 90's money was the joy of life. CASH was the world to you as a teen in the 90's, especially if you had siblings.

It meant you owned the world and had power over your siblings to make them do whatever you wanted. In my house a deal was a deal if you made one-regardless of what the deal was-it was fair because you agreed to it. Do you see where this is going yet?

Once after babysitting and having cash I was trying to think of some new and creative way to find amusement in tormenting my younger siblings in return without getting in trouble. When I got the best, sneakiest, most manipulative idea. I'm sure when it dawned on me I had a lovely, malicious, grinchy smile. Kind of like this only less green and more ginger.

Either way. I went to the store and bought a big bag of the king size twizzlers-you know-the ones that are about a foot long apiece? I knew when I got home with that candy my darling baby sisters and brother would beg and torment me for my candy. As they surely did. I proposed a deal to all of them. If the would let me SMACK them with the twizzler they could then have said twizzler and go about their merry way. All of them accepted this proposal. I proceeded to take out twizzlers one by one and wail on the youngers with them like a whip. For each whack they received in return one (1) twizzler.

My parents later asked why they all had welts. I explained the deal and my parents (while very confused) shrugged it off and said "well they agreed to it".

And that is the story of my twizzler torture.

BLURBS!

Blurbs are my word for random tidbits. Adult swim calls their Blurbs bumps. I prefer blurbs: it makes me all happy inside. I imagine this is sort of what it looks like in there:

I have a favorite emoticon. I think most people have one they use more often than others. I believe they all kind of mean something different depending on who is using them.

This is probably my favorite emoticon. I use it obsessively, to me this can be confusion and disbelief. The one raised eyebrow. This is the essence of my internet persona.That is totally awesome right? My internet me is in a constant state of confusion and/or disbelief. Is that normal?

Titty Sprinkulz.

Some explaining is in order.

Agonizing approbation. Are you curious about that? Does the name tantalize your curiosity? I hope so, if not perhaps you should look elsewhere. No.... I'm joking, please stay and read on!

If explanation is indeed necessary the simplest way to rephrase the title is "Extremely Painful Praise". Why? Why would anyone name a blog something that takes a positive and makes it reminiscent of negative? Or downright negative depending on the type of person you are....

Anyway, the purpose is because of an observation I have made; praise is awkward! Some people like it too much, some people like it not at all. Some people don't know how to take it and some do not know how to give it.

More likely than not, this whole blog will be my random meanderings in my own thoughts and experiences. I don't have visions of grandeur, I doubt I will reach the meme status of Hyperbole and a Half, but some mild recognition would be nice.

So first about myself that you may have a bit of a grasp on what is to come. I am completely random and very probably mentally handicapped, but that means (like many), I am kind of predictable and I like to think I am a genius. I am absolutely addicted to emoticons. Why do I love these random assorted lines and symbols that are meant to resemble faces? I have no idea.

Unlike some people I have no problems giving compliments-as a matter of fact-I sometimes have no filter between my thoughts and the words that come out of my mouth. Now that the introduction is out of the way I will give you an experience I had some time ago, and hopefully it convinces you to follow my future posts just to see what kind of genius comedy might be found in my stupidity.

Some time ago, I think in 2007 or '08 I had the joy of working at a Wal-Mart. I was redlining. Which meant I was standing at the end of my lane, staring off into space and smiling like a mindless drone while my brain went to more interesting places. I came back to myself when I saw a man walking through the store who looked just like the paintings of white Jesus (I'll explain the reason I clarify white Jesus at some later date). Anyway, I felt my face explode into a huge smile because to me it was hilarious to witness Jesus walking around in Wal-Mart. My face probably literally looked Like this :D. Well, I suppose he saw my smile and thought "Oh well there is a genuine looking smile! I think I'll go to this register." He placed his purchases on the conveyor belt and I opened my mouth to say "Hello Sir" or some such menial conversation. Instead I said "HI JESUS!" Of course I was startled by this, but what made it so much better was the man laughed. Heartily. He told me he "actually got that a lot". Cool.

Maybe since he's cool Jesus I should add some shades?