For my Friend.

A message delivered in gifs.

I know you are going through something kind of tough right now. When it first hit you, you probably felt a little like  this:

Now everything is sinking in, things seem different, and you don't know what to expect. You kind of want to wallow in despair and appreciate the feeling of grief right now.

After a while you might get in a weird mood where anger seems to be the better option.

And that's okay, just don't hurt Santa too bad, he still has work to do. (I'd really Like the presents I asked for this year!)

Life has it's challenges and hardships (I'm sure you know that). Everyday it feels really hard, but you just keep pulling yourself up.

 

Maybe if you get out and take your mind off things you'll feel better. Try and do a little of this:

And even if you start feeling down keep going. Eventually, you will hit a point where you look a little like this:

 

And that's okay too, because everyone needs to fall over on public transit at least once in their lives. It teaches us some tolerance for our own tendencies to be stupid sometimes.

Now, your friends will keep poking you, and you'll snap at us probably, but we'll keep poking because we care.

Try not to punch us like Santa though because we mean well.

I'm sure at some point (and hopefully soon) You'll jump right back on your two feet and surprise us all.

And all of us will be really happy to see that. Friend surprises are of course the best kind of surprise, at least I think they are.

Anyway, I'm just saying hang in there sunshine, and it won't be long before you're back to your old self again.

And once you feel like your old self again give us all a call so we can jump on the short bus and lick the windows together!

Randomness: Skyrim and other video games

Mostly I was bored and I know I need to get back into keeping up on my blog. :) So far the Troll Hive has been an enriching experience. There are a lot of kinks we are still working out and such but there is also much fun to be had.

I have been spending a great deal of time playing Skyrim. I'm not sure whether I like it or it's just the most interesting thing to do at the time but I have about 80+ hours in it right now. Apparently, I am really funny to watch play because I talk back to the TV.

You're in a town walking around and people talk to you as you pass. I say things back to them. The other day it was a guard "I would be a lot warmer and a lot happier with a bellyful of mead". I said "well go to a bar then and get the hell out of my face".

I'm kind of a spell caster but I frequently use light armor with a shield and one handed weapon or a bow. I can't face things head on, they pwn me in the face. With their face. It's bad. So I will sprint or Wuld off and climb up on the side of a mountain or some really craggy rocks and maneuver into a position where whatever it is cannot get to me. Then I zap it or burninate it until it dies. I am also fond of scaling mountains and getting into crevices to pick enemies off with a fire enchanted glass bow. I think I hurt brains. Sometimes when I go do a quest or clear a cave I get over encumbered with epic loots. None of which I want to drop for fear it won't be there when I get back, so I Wuld myself to the nearest city and sell or disenchant items, because you can't fast travel when over encumbered.

I don't make it a habit to carry a lot of junk either. I have a few pieces of armor and weapons I switch between depending on the situation, some healing potions, and lots of lockpicks. Generally, that's all I carry on me when trolling around. It's maybe 127 lbs of my 465 limit.

Anywhosl. I like games, (Imagine that statement in the derpiest voice possible, flailing T-Rex arms, and stupid grin :D). I got into Persona 4 for a while. I like Ninja Gaiden for XBox, I love most RPG's. I played and beat Catherine which was really fun. I collect games and game systems by the way, not sure if I ever mentioned that before. I have a Sega Genesis, SNES, Nintendo 64, Game Cube, Playstation, Playstation 2, XBox 360, and a metric AssTon of games. One of my favorites for the original XBox was Jet Set Radio Future. I also played Panzer Dragoon: Orta. Much loves for those games. I want to get a Wii so I can play some of the Zelda games, Epic Micky, and Kirby's Epic Yarn. I also have a Nintendo DS which has a bad case of the floppy screen and makes me SadFace. I still play it quite a bit. I like the Cooking and Gardening Mama games. I beat the heck out of Atelier Annie. I play Animal Crossing, Viva Pinata (which btw I am obsessed with I have 3 of them for the 360), Zelda: Phantom Hourglass and Spirit Tracks, Scribblenauts (super fun), Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey, Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings, and Rune Factory which is a Harvest Moon fantasy/RPG kind of game. I have some other piddly things I like to play for mindless entertainment Imagine Makeup Artist, Brain quest for 3rd and 4th graders, Brain Age, Jojo's Fashion Show, Chocolatier, CSI: Dark Motives, stuff like that. I play a lot of different types of games. I'm not great with FPS, I like to play sometimes but I'm not really that good at them (Except Perfect Dark for the 64 much fun is had with Farsights and Darks Sims). Racing games pretty much the same. Flight simulators nauseate me. I mostly like puzzles and RPG's but I'll try any game at least once to see if I like it. One of my favorite games of all time is Mortal Kombat Trilogies, although Deception makes a close second for me. Off to Skyrim with me.



p.s. In case you were wondering why I haven't been drawing any awesome images lately, It's because I haven't set up my new desktop completely yet. :) But to appease you, here is a photo of our mailbox.

Not Down With The Sickness.

I have a cold. A sucky one that involves a stuffy nose, mouth breathing, dry coughing, snoring, headaches, and really dry chapped lips. I hate life right now. I'm grateful I got all my school work done earlier in the weekend so I have a little less to work on. The troll hive is born and growing, everyone else got sick starting with The Man first. Apparently, I finally got what everyone else had. :( I've also had really bad gas. One of my roommates said it sounded like something from the exorcist. Like when the girl is sitting in the bed and her head starts spinning while she growls. Kind of like that only from my butt. I said excuse me reflexively but it still sounded horrendous enough she looked startled as hell.
I've been camping on the couch because the bathroom on my floor doesn't work yet. Being sick I like to stay close to the bathroom because it sucks being weak and having to walk up and down stairs. So yes, there is the update on my life at the moment. 0.o

Birthing of The Troll Hive

So, The Man and I are all moved in for the most part. We have two other couples moved in already. They've been here for the past few weeks. Finally managed to get a good chunk of the main floor cleaned.

It is interesting thus far, much trolling has ensued. At one point a few housemates and friends were discussing all the time we lose doing things like sleeping and sitting on the toilet. So I suggested you spend a little less time sleeping, and a little less time on the toilet. Exchange this new found time for masturbating and life will seem a lot better. :|

Apparently on a car drive the male half of one of the couples was saying he liked pink because it gave him sexual gratification. Everyone in the car heard "pig" instead of pink, which happens to be the name of their pet border terrier. 0.0 tonight at dinner the female half of said couple jokingly said something along the lines of having eaten the dog so her husband could no longer have it for sexual gratification.

You have to understand though that all of this is generally said with much sputtering and laughter. Just in case anyone reads this and tries to be offended no one in the house is into bestiality or eating pets. Although, I think that big white cat roaming around outside would make some good teriyaki on a stick.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
I'm only joking. Lighten up. :D

There are 3 floors here and one bathroom per floor. The one on the top floor with me is not in working order right now so I have to go downstairs in the morning to pee. It kind of sucks running down a flight of stairs with a painfully full bladder. What sucks more is if I get to the main floor and that bathroom is occupied. Running down two flights of stairs with a painfully full bladder will bruise it and make it tender for the rest of the day. By painfully full I mean the kind of pee where there is full on stream for a two minute minimum and it usually keeps going.

My cats are getting along famously with the little pup, pig. They even play as much as a giant, fat, orange cat, and a diva of a tuxedo are willing to play anyway. It is really very comical. Perrin, my giant ginger butt, usually trots when he runs, but when he chases pig he spreads his legs out and does this loping waddle which emphasizes his fatness. Lanfear, the spoiled diva tends to run around in circles as thougb she is confused and then jumps up onto the furniture and pretends she wasn't playing with the dog at all.

Insomniac Caffeine Powers Activate!

To start, let me share a Screen Cap with you, and then I will ramble at you aimlessly.

Today I'm sharing the visitors by country tab. It amuses me. As expected most of the people that have visited my blog live in America. What amuses me is that the second largest number on that list is Russia. Which by the way, I think is awesome. I've never been there and I don't know a lot mind you. I've read books on Rasputin and the royal family of the time, but beyond that I don't know very much. Oh. I also forgot to mention Vitas. Probably the single greatest reason I like Russia despite not knowing anything about it. If you don't know who that is I will refer you to The Man With His Crazy Voice.

First off, for me the feel of the video was hilarious, second (aside from that smug grin) this guy is extremely attractive to me for some reason, third, his vocals are actually really good. I listen to this video on loop for hours at a time. Just like a lot of the never ending songs such as Chicken on a Raft, or a lot of the loop songs from Weebl's Stuff. I'm on a chicken on a raft binge now. I managed to get my friends addicted to it when I first found it. For about a week any time someone said Hi-oh, everyone would respond with "chicken on a raft". Pretty great really.

Actually, we are that way with a lot of songs, someone starts to sing it and the rest carry it around. 

The one right after Russia is Germany, I like that one too. The Man's mother and Grandmother were born and raised in Germany. The Man's Grandma cooks stuff that is so delicious you would find a way to flap your arms and fly to Germany for just one more taste.

CHANGE TOPICS!
Just like the mad hatter said to change places. It's actually a recurring theme in my life now that I think about it. Everyone has symbols they kind of pick out for themselves. I have the moon, the Cheshire cat (the crescent moon looks like his smile), and the constellation Orion. I'm not sure why I stuck with these but I always have. The Alice in Wonderland is something that always makes appearances in my poetry, my dreams, stories I write, mannerisms. I'm just random, I suppose it suits me best. "Change places he shouts, and I do". <--a line from a poem I wrote. I have problems.

AGAIN!
I'm kind of an insomniac and my mind keeps hopping around so this spur of the moment blog seems to be following suite. Still listening to chicken on a raft, the website logs it at about 15 minutes. 0.o I was contemplating the stats page and when I was staring at it I was pleased to note that my views jumped up to 1117, I don't know why that made me so pleased. I suppose I just like to feel as though I am making some kind of impact. These types of things are much funnier when you can actually see and interact with me because I come out with the most random of things. Sometimes I start singing, I make a stupid face or gesture, mishear things. You miss a lot of that on a written page, it comes across as more forced rather than the true to life transcript it is.I was thinking about showing some Omegle logs of me trolling people but maybe I will save that for another day.

Over 1,000!

Any person that trolls the Internet enough will hear 9,000 in their head when they read that title. ^_^

I have an image for you!

Now part of the reason I like having my blog here is because of the nifty little stats and overview pages. The title is over 1,000 because I managed 1,008 views. Surprise surprise. I love looking at the traffic sources because they provide me a great source of amusement. The other day someone googled "zombie poop images" and that referred them here. I also like to see the referring URL's there were a few porn sites listed before and I was very confused. I didn't think there was anything here that would have migrated to porn, although eyeball licking and such is supposed to be a fetish. 0.o I'm not really surprised. Rule 34 (There is porn of it). If there is porn of it then it is probably a fetish somewhere.

This time the keywords that linked me were kind of funny so I thought I'd share them. "Zombie jokes" isn't too bad but it interests me that someone is out there trying to find some. The next one amuses me. Some random person out there decided to go tell google something and see what it said back "Sometimes I think I am a genius". Me too random stranger, me too.

The last one though really, really amuses me. Some random nerd is out there trying to figure out how long a troll is pregnant before it gives birth. I wonder why? I have a host  of ideas, maybe it was someone playing a game, or it's some kind of fetish, or maybe it's a character of theirs. I'm not sure but the fact someone tried to find out if there was a legitimate set period is infinitely amusing to me. (And in case you are wondering why the gestation period of a troll would lead someone to my blog, it's the title of a previous entry: Gestation period of the Troll Hive.)

If you've read Cleaning digital and otherwise, you know the "David Bowie is very disappointed in you" bleeding through the tab, is my desktop. I think perhaps it is time that I attempted to explain that. Being on the Internet constantly, I tend to have computer ADD, I jump from one thing to another all the time. Case in point: the tabs I have open. I was supposed to be doing school work and then got distracted with the blog and here I am. So I put the David Bowie image as my background in an effort to remind me to keep on task. I always see it peeking through my bar at the top of my page so there really is no escaping his disappointment. It works rather well most of the time. I'm not really sure why. Perhaps it is the humor involved, or maybe I secretly worship David Bowie and the Moon: as opposed to George Carlin's Joe Pesci and the Sun. I'd imagine David Bowie and the Moon are disappointed in me a lot. I get distracted too easily...

Gestation period of the Troll Hive

I don't think I've mentioned what is happening with this move so let me try to break it down for you. The Man's dad has big house that belonged to The Man's grandma, yes?  Want to keep house in family, rent house. To rent house must have room mates. Invite Troll friends. The Troll Hive is Born.

In case you don't understand what I mean by trolls I mean the type of trolling done on the internet in real life. The things said should often not be said and the jokes are always on someone. Don't Feed the Trolls has meaning here. This is the Gestation period of the Troll Hive. The head honcho is here (I'm not sure if that would be The Man or I), and The Hive is somewhat under construction for the rest of the trolls. There was joking discussion of having cameras in the public rooms for internet streaming of our troll-ness, and this is where the name Troll Hive came from.

At the moment The Mans dad and step-mother are still here packing, and getting ready for their move into their new house so it is tedious having them here. For the time being the two cats we have are locked in our room until the grumpy one leaves (the grumpy one being The Man's stepmother) because she does not like cats.

I don't have a job anymore so I have spent some time demolishing walls that need to be replaced. I get to run in and tear down drywall. I feel all happy about it "yay hunks of drywall on the floor!" Pulling nails for hanging new drywall isn't as much fun as tearing old drywall out but it isn't as bad as hanging new drywall.

On another note, The Man has gotten back into playing Magic The Gathering. If you aren't familiar it's a nerdy card game. I'm okay with this because as always I am the supportive girlfriend. I like he has hobbies to enjoy. I've started playing with him but I am not sure how I feel about it. We played for 6 hours yesterday and I lost all but the last. I think I played for so long because I needed to beat him at least once before I could feel satisfied enough to stop playing with them. It's interesting to say the least. I don't mind getting my butt kicked a lot but I need to win one or I don't feel like I have accomplished anything. I feel like a kid running around saying "neener, neener, neeeeener!" For some reason those childish things sometimes give me greater satisfaction than anything, even being right doesn't compare to saying neener neener. I guess it is more humorous than saying I told you so or something.

Moving

What a tedious task. We are currently moving or in the process of said moving, however you want to phrase it.
My cats hate moving and are currently slowly losing their minds. Lanfear (The Man's cat), is just very hidey. Although she does complain rather loudly anytime I am near the kitchen probably hoping for comfort in the form of delicious squishy foods. 0.o
Perrin (my cat), on the other hand is very clearly losing his mind. He runs around and makes this very annoying mewling/crying sound. It's even more frustrating because he is such a big cat (like 14 lbs) and makes tiny squealing noises. He won't leave me alone either. Usually he is the perfect evil masterminds kitty. He sits on the arm of the furniture nearby me and purrs while I stroke his fluffy back. He's never much of a cuddlebug, now we are moving all he wants to do is cry and lay on me. O.o I don't know what to do except love him because I know he's just distressed at all our stuff getting packed up again.
It doesn't help we have all this random stuff. I save glass pickle jars and stuff because I hate to throw them out when I can use them. We have 6 giant thermos things, one of them an old style metal one with the spigot for hot coffee. A plastic jar shaped like a cat for cat treats. Giant preserve and pickle jars, wine glasses, shot glasses, weirdly shaped red lobster glasses, assorted knick knacks, for goodness sakes.
Trying to pack the kitchen and I put all the jars and stuff in a box and there is still all this extra space in the box. I'm standing there looking into the box confused as hell "what else should I put in here?" How about some hand towels, and oh look here are some kitchen gloves, oh and a random sewing kit in the cabinet (let me just cram this in here too), oh yea and these boxes of long plastic ziploc bags I got from The Mans grandma, aaaand let me just top it off with this role of tin foil because I don't know where to pack this anyway.
This is why every time we move I pack and unpack the kitchen. Speaking of which I should probably get back to that. O.o
Tata.

4 Pet Peeves

I have pet peeves. I think everyone has pet peeves. The toilet paper for example. What side the toilet paper rolls from is a big pet peeve for a lot of people. Another one is how you squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube. I have a list of some of mine to share.

1). Moochers. People that use up all your stuff and never replace it. The kind of person that magically shows up when you've bought the good food and disappears when nothing but ramen is left. They wanna bum a smoke, they want to have a beer, they want to stay for dinner, or they want to go out in the evenings. They never have money and they never bother to replace anything they use. 0.0 We all have at least one friend like that. A lot of times that friend is "good people" he or she is just very stupid with money.


2). Scoopers and double dippers. You know what I mean when you share from a public bowl of dip double dipping and scooping is just rude and kind of gross. When it comes to the scoopers-damn! Save some for everyone else, you only need a little bit to taste it, stop being greedy. As far as double dippers, unless it's you and a "fluid mate" don't double dip. No one wants your saliva in their food, it's disgusting.


3). People that always want some of your food. Doesn't matter if they just ate a giant sub or something like that. If you have a tasty snack they suddenly want some of what you have. Again why be so greedy, can't I eat in peace? I didn't get enough to share I just wanted a snack quit staring at me like a dog begging for food.


4). People that get louder to talk over you because no one is paying attention to them. I'm the kind of person when someone does that to me I stop talking until they shut their pie hole. After that I always say something like "oh where was I? I can't remember since I was interrupted in the middle of a thought". If I'm feeling especially grumpy I'll say "Excuse me, grown-ups are talking".

Shower thoughts

Everyone has deep thoughts in the shower. At least I think most people do. 0.o I have shower thoughts all the time though so nothing unusual there, accept...I decided to blog from my phone in the shower. It was easier than jumping out and trying to grab paper and something to write with. I was worried I would lose the ideas if I waited. So here I sit in the bottom of the shower because it helps me think
Let's hope I don't drop my phone.
Anyway, I was contemplating gender, sexuality, and preferences. It is something my brain often turns to. I understand everyone has preferences and that's fine by me. Some people like Wasabi peas I think they taste like peppered butthole. Everyone sees things differently.
I am probably one of the most accepting people you'll ever know. I have men that come in dressed as women and my only awkwardness is if they would prefer me to call them ma'am or sir. Everyone deserves to be happy regardless of what sexuality or gender preferences make them happy. If they aren't hurting anyone it isn't anyone elses business. That said: there are still a lot of things I get confused by.
I have met a lot of lesbians, some femme some more on the manly side. Some lesbians dress, walk, talk, and act like men. Is this just a manly lesbian or do they qualify as a form of transvestite? These kinds of questions are things I can't openly ask. I'm only curious but I don't want anyone to think I'm passing judgment.
So anyway, let's say they are the equivalent of grown up tomboys. Okay cool with it. Some other lesbians specifically seek them out or find them particularly attractive. Okay. So basically they want a man with a vagina?
I know. It's probably more complicated than that but it's one of those random things I wonder. The same applies in reverse to gay guys. Then we have transgenders, transvestites, transexuals, bisexuals, and pansexuals. It all gets so confusing. I don't get the labels. People are people.
And creepers don't count. They loaf around and make friends with people. Many times people in a relationship. Then they make uncomfortable innuendo's and stalk them around hoping the relationship will fall apart so they can swoop in and be the hero or heroine. Those aren't real people. They are creepers. An entirely different species. 
I'm not sure anyone likes creepers. They make everyone feel really awkward and then most people won't tell them. Be friends with me, I'll tell you if you're being creepy.
Oh. Wait. Here's a pet peeve of mine. Everyone that mocks furries. They aren't hurting you, what's your problem? They want to be a blue cat in a yellow tutu. So what? Sounds cool to me. Pretend to be somone else or enabling you to be who you are with no fear of judgment. Awesome.
Can I be a cat version of scuba steve? I think that would be neat.
I have ceased with the funny. Was I funny? Probably not. My brain feels like a mummified pea, my toes look like prunes, and my hot water is luke warm. 0.0

Job Hunting and Stuff.

So I've been bombarding the world with my resume and/or applications. Ideally I would like something I can do from the comfort of my own home. I have all the appropriate equipment. I even have a virtual fax. 0.0

Anyway, I've been seriously contemplating doing all manner of interwebby things for money but who knows how that will go. I have profiles all over the place for jobs, including Monster. I keep getting some junky things from Monster.
Here:

Kind of like this. I don't trust someone when the "from" area has a standard email and not a business or something. The "to" doesn't even have my email, and the body requested I send more of my personal information if I was interested. Address, phone number, and a bunch of other stuff. Really now? I wonder sometimes.

Ever watched the movie Idiocracy? It's a smart persons worst nightmare. Scariest horror movie I've ever seen, everywhere I look I see the Idiocracy Apocalypse looming nearer.

The dumb people are breeding like rabbits. Soon it will be the Zombie apocalypse but they aren't dead. Oh no. They are just too stupid to do anything but eat and Sh!t. I'm glad I will be long gone when the day comes people sit in reclining toilet chairs, eating lard, drinking random soft drink from a helmet sippy cup, watching shows like "Jersey Shore The Heir of Snooki".

Gah.


I was.


Talking about.


JOBS. Forget the stupid people.
Yes. Raging temporarily over. This job hunting is frustrating. I have a job, but I hate it. Anyone that has spent a long time hunting jobs know the "Don't call us we'll call you" line is virtually the kiss of death. I wish I could Ghost Dad people that say that. Squeeze through the phone line and wring their necks. "JUST SAY YOU AREN'T INTERESTED! THE POSITION HAS BEEN FILLED! I DON'T LIKE YOUR FUCKING FACE! ANYTHING! JUST. NOT. THAT!" Meh.

I internet far too much, then hang out with nerds A LOT. I have interweb memes for a vocabulary. ERMAHGERD! Not proper English all the time. Not sorry. No fucks to give today. Fresh out.

Sometimes when I interview and they ask "What are you looking for" or something like that I'm sure I get this look on my face:

To find monkeys. What do you think I'm here for. :|

I know what they actually mean is what am I looking to get out of working for said company besides a paycheck. I'm not sure how people expect a person to interview well if the person doing the interview is a gidget. *Sigh* Now I am just going to inundate you with some of my favorite memes.

Me Gusta

Morgan Freeman Voice (Me Gusta!)

 

Lame Pun Raccoon (or bad joke Raccoon)

Condescending Wonka

Demotivational Posters! This one has always been my favorite.

Cleaning digital and otherwise.

I don't even really know what to say today. I was digging through some folders on my computer and came across one marked Walkenism's. Essentially it was a file of  quotes by Christopher Walken that I like.

I thought I might share those with you. :)

"Words are little bombs, and they have a lot of energy inside them.

There's something dangerous about what's funny. Jarring and disconcerting.
There is a connection between funny and scary.

They say that the human smile is in fact one of those primordial things - that in fact
it's a showing of teeth, that it's a warning.
That when we smile, in a primeval way it has to do with fear,

I love spaghetti. And I like to cook spaghetti. And I used to eat it every day.
I weighed thirty pounds more than I do now. You can't - you can't do that. Ice cream -
I love to watch television and eat ice cream. But that's like a ten-year-old.
I can't do that anymore. Beer. Beer, spaghetti, ice cream.

That's supposed to be a fact, that the question mark is originally from an Egyptian hieroglyph
 that signified a cat walking away. You know, it's the tail. And that symbol meant - well,
 whatever it is when they're ignoring you."

I also found a file labeled "completely random" which was exactly that. Also discovered "Dislikes, My Lols, Hey Gorgeous, Journal, Muse who, pepper lyrics, PJ cute question mark, Home made mocha cappuccino, and Smile Recognition".

I have issues. I have all this stuff but I keep it in files on my desktop. Like this:

I have almost no icons on my desktop and that is because I keep everything so very organized in folders inside of other folders marked with other folders. I hope I am not the only person like this. For some reason keeping my desktop clear of junk makes me feel like a cleaner person.

Speaking of clean, I can never seem to keep up with the mess in the house. I'm not a sloppy person really, there is just junk all over the place that I can never seem to find a place for. Inevitably I get to a point where I go on a wild spree and spend a day cleaning everything up and making the house tidy. After which I always misplace something, usually something I found and thought "oh I haven't used this in months I probably won't need it" and then I place it in some obscure place I would never think to look for it. A few days after my cleaning spree the house is still tidy but now I need that object that I placed in some random place and now do not remember where it is.

I wish life could be like my desktop but that would be a lot of work and I don't feel like labeling everything in my house. If I had a neat label machine that was like a price tagger I would probably do it then. There is nothing better than running around with a sticky label machine, pulling the trigger, and sticking labels on everything.

Which reminds me of a funny story about a place I used to work...but I'll save it for another time. :D

Zombie Poop

Warning: Contains Comical Graphic Images

So I was binging and watching The Walking Dead, which by the way, I am now caught up on. When I got to thinking about the mechanics of zombies. I came to the conclusion that zombies just could not be plausible. But before that I was thinking even for them to be slightly possible they'd have to poop. Being as how they work on the most base of brain power then I'm assuming they just walk and poop at the same time like a horse.

I got into a discussion about it with The Man, I can't remember exactly how it went but it was interesting. Essentially, zombies are the dead brought to life with only the most base of human instinct: to eat. The problem that led me to the conclusion they must poop is this: since they are dead nothing in the body is processing anything, so if they continuously eat eventually the stomach will become distended, if they still continue to eat than they would pretty much pop. When I said this The Man pointed that perhaps the zombie disease made them perfect machines with no waste. I pointed out how could a perfect machine be dead? Nothing in the system is moving or working as it should, it couldn't absorb or process the flesh.

So then say the zombie disease causes basic functions to somehow work, like digestion then they would process it but there would probably still be waste, if zombies were getting some kind of nutrition from their diet they probably wouldn't rot, right? So if we wanted perfect zombie eating machines they would need to digest food, and not rot if they continuously ate, and not poop either.

Anyway I'm still confused about it but it would explain why I've never really been a big fan of zombies, it just doesn't seem plausible or workable in any way. There are other fantastic things I see as being within the realm of possibility. Like Werewolves, there are already people with hair disorders so they are furry all over, but I don't think it would be changing at the full moon or anything like that. That's just Bull. Anyway, they probably just shave a certain time and by the time the full moon rolls around all their hair has grown back so they go on an angry rampage because they don't want to shave it all off again. I'd imagine razor burn on your butt cheeks sucks.

Vampires are somewhat possible, not in a supernatural way. There are two diseases, one where a person needs blood and another where they are essentially allergic to the sun. Imagine one poor soul has both of these diseases. What a bummer. Can't go out in the sun, crave blood. I'd imagine people would find that rather strange and fall on old habits, despite the fact this poor person just has terrible luck. He or she would likely be chased by a mob of ignorant and very angry people.

So for me werewolves and vampires are likely exaggerated truths but I don't understand zombies. I read a lot on it you have no idea, some believe it stems from voodoo, or hoodoo which is interesting. And others think it stem from unsure medical practices where the living were buried. For a while they even installed bells so if a person "woke up dead", they could pull the rope and hopefully someone would come and un-bury them.

So for me when it comes to zombies I am convinced the most logical thing is that they get distended bellies and pop like a balloon. Or that there is some zombie poop in the road that movies don't acknowledge.

So how do you like my Zombies? I took some time with these, probably not the best but-hey-at least you get the visual.

Strange Happenings

Thought I might share a story with you. Maybe more if I feel like it. Alright, so if you don't already know I work in a convenience store, I'm kind of a register jockey but a little bit of everything really. I have to deal with large amounts of people on a regular basis.

I believe it was Sunday morning, this Sunday just past. I was working the 9 to 5 shift and this lady ran up to the counter holding a gallon of 2 percent milk. She slides it up on the counter and stares at me anxiously as I ring the milk up. I ask her if she wants to use debit or credit it and she cringes like I've startled her. I thought perhaps she just hadn't woken up yet-you know-not had the morning coffee or what have you. She says credit and fumbles her card through the machine. I give her a receipt to sign and a copy for herself. This is where it gets odd.

Instead of signing her receipt she says "The milk is always bad here" only she kind of rambles it all out in one word really fast "THEMILKISALWAYSBADHERE". I look at her confused and I check the date, it was marked for the 30th a good 12 days from that Sunday. I tell her it looks okay.

She still hasn't signed her credit receipt. She says it all Speedy Gonzales like again, then cracks the gallon open and starts sniffing it. At this point I'm already thinking she's crazy, why would you keep buying milk from the same place if it is always bad? So she insists I smell the milk because "it smells bitter" only again more Speedy Gonzales "ITSMELLSBITTER". So I pull the now open gallon of milk over and smell it. The milk was perfectly good, there were no odors at all. She was not pleased to hear I smelled nothing.

At this point she gets even weirder. She grabs this open gallon of two percent milk off the counter and swigs out of the bottle. Then promptly makes a whiskey face and says "THISMILKISBADITTASTESBITTER" (this milk is bad it tastes bitter), I tell her "Ma'am I didn't smell anything and it's in date I'm not sure what you want me to do". So she starts insisting I taste the milk. First of all I don't know where this crazy ladies mouth has been, second of all she just swigged out of that bottle like I used to swig rum, there was no way in hell I was going to taste that milk. 

The manager is still in so I tell her to hang on a second and let me go ask him what I should do in this situation. You have to think, as far as I can tell there is nothing wrong with this milk, the lady is a nut-job, and I can't sell it to anyone else because she opened it and drank straight from the jug.

So I go get the manager and tell him something's up and he comes to talk to her himself. She does the same thing to him. Speedy Gonzales the milk is bad, it smells bitter, it tastes bitter, taste the milk. We are left with no choice but to refund the crazy milk lady her money.

After all this I have to convince her she needs to sign the first receipt that she never signed, and then I have to explain that I'll need to refund it through her credit card, which also prints a receipt she needed to sign. She didn't kick up a fuss about it but she did go back into the weird, spacey, anxious state she was in when I startled her with "Debit or Credit".

When she left I have to say we certainly laughed about the situation but I am still very confused what was wrong with this lady. I'm grateful she was-at the very least-not belligerent.

It's My Birthday!

No biggie, it is just my birthday right? I thought about spamming you all with birthday related songs, pictures and annoyances but decided I better not. I will make no promises because I might change my mind later.

I haven't even slept yet, but I've only been awake for about 16 hours anyway so what difference does it make? Last year I wasn't able to do anything on my birthday and a few days later when everyone wanted to try and surprise me I kind of ruined it by not wanting to leave the house. The Man finally broke down and told me our friends were trying to surprise me. I think out of sheer stubbornness and grumpiness that no one wanted to do anything ON my birthday I felt like pouting and not leaving the house.

Generally speaking I'm pretty stable but when I feel something, like really feel something, I kind of enjoy wallowing in it for a little while. My definition of a little while can be anywhere from two minute to two hours but that's about it. Does that even make sense?

I like to wallow in self-pity, doubt, fear, or anger for a little while. I anger, I pout, I shake, I rage, I get over it and move on with my life. It's why I like to just go with it and be by myself. The feeling is so intense that if I roll around in it, smell it, and snuggle it for a little while it pretty much goes away.

One of my quirks I guess. I am actually really hard to surprise because I am so headstrong I end up being accidentally uncooperative. I also ask a lot of questions most of the time. You can surprise me I just have to know it's coming. If I know something is happening, but I don't really know what I'll cooperate and go with it just to find out what it is.

It's weird. I actually don't remember very many of my birthdays.0.o I remember last year, but the rest just kind of blur together as a mass of disappointment. Not through anyone elses fault mind you, mostly because I'm broke as a joke and it isn't a funny one. Almost always have been though so nothing new to me.

I grew up so broke we entertained ourselves with sticks and crap like that. One time my parents left me to mind all 5 of the youngers. When they came home all my siblings were in a tree and I was pacing around the bottom of said tree with a stick. I had convinced them all it was a game. I don't remember what it was now, but if they tried to come down I started poking them with the stick. Wasn't I a great babysitter? The house wasn't a wreck (no more than usual anyway), none of the kids were missing, and when my parents came home we were all there to greet them.

So without further ado I have a picture of a blurry photo of all of them up in the tree.

Told you it was blurry. Anyway here are some other pictures you might enjoy:

Just to explain: we were moving and I was crammed into the passenger seat like a sardine. Everything I am holding (and the helmet I am wearing) is there because there was no place else to put it. The Man says I was adorable, I think I look creepy and kind of like I want to kill someone.


And here is one of our cats being cute, fat, and lazy:

Spam. How I hate thee.

I hate checking my spam folder. Sometimes I have to, just to make sure something important didn't accidentally get stuck in the spam folder. *Sigh* So I was checking that today and thought I might share a picture and an analysis with you.

Let's start with the first fact: volume. Do you see I have 93 pieces of junk e-mail? I emptied this the day before yesterday when there was over 2000 because I don't remember when I emptied it before that.

Let's move on to the highlighted sections.

Yellow: Social Security Disability. Who is this directed at, might I ask? Do they assume all people dumb enough to fall for scams are old? :| From what I understand at 26, I won't be getting social security anyway so this one is irrelevant. Barring some horrible accident, I won't be getting disability any time soon either.

Pink: ONLINE INCOME! Holy Cow! I need to get in on this! However, if you look up in my bookmarks bar you see a tab that says "Virtualassistantjo.." Yea. That's a link to a website I use in my effort to find online jobs. Over the past month I've probably put in 100 application through there. I'm not having much success with this. By the way, if you happen to be looking for someone to work for you online shoot me an e-mail.

Kind of bums me out really, it's hard trying to do school and go somewhere for work and still manage time for a blog and other interwebby things.

Blue: Free Sandwich! Sign me up! Seriously though, I love to eat, if this wouldn't give my computer tech-AIDS I would legitimately consider clicking on this email. Free food = no complaints. Really though, who falls for this?

Green: I wonder about the stability of a website that sends out spam emails. This is shot-gunning spam too. A high ratio of people are Christian but what about people that aren't? I want to sign up for it and just make a profile that says I worship Satan. It's a form of Christianity because Satan is in Christian religion. Can you imagine the "About Me" section I could create?

About Me for Samantha the Satanist:

Hi, I'm a Satanist, but I get along with everyone, well, actually I kind of ignore everyone. I pretty much do my own thing and thought since I keep getting e-mails from here I would sign up. Satanism is a form of Christianity you know. I like to read, have Satanic Cult meetings, and write poetry. I'm ideally looking for other Satanists, but as long as you don't pressure me for anything and we can still have sex I'm cool with it.

Orange: Unless my mother lied to me when I was a kid I was born with the wrong equipment for this. I guess with this kind of stuff you have a 50/50 chance of reaching your target audience. 0.0

~End Rant~

I'm mobile!

This is just a random blurb. Now you know I have the app on my phone. If I ever get popular this will come in handy. :)

Otherwise, its just another means of making me sad.

Please, don't make the ginger sad. You wouldn't like her when she's sad.

Here is a picture of a customers zombie gnome shirt.

5 Reasons to Play Dead

Playing dead is a concept most people are fairly familiar with. I'm not sure of the validity of some of these but I'm still going to share them with captions. :)

1). According to all the old cartoons I used to watch you play dead so you won't be attacked by a bear!

I would probably run.

 Honestly, if a bear were to come near me I would probably run screaming, which is also probably not the wisest course of action; however, I am also not very sure of the validity in playing dead here.





2). If you are a scared opossum.

Probably the most awesomely drawn awesome opossum EVER!

Opossums play dead, I have seen this. Although, I am not sure of the mechanics. Maybe they just faint or something.

Nasty creatures.






3). You wake up in the middle of the night and hear something you don't want to hear.

Just anything really, you wake up when you were a kid because you have to pee and over hear your parents doing the horizontal mambo, yea, that is a great time to play dead. Put a pillow over your head and pretend some evil murderer snuck into your room and suffocated you to death. Vividly imagine how terrible that would be for everyone, envision your funeral, and pretend you go to Valhalla. Whatever floats your boat because it has to be better than the reality of your parents being a little too happy in the other room.

4). Someone comes to wake you up in the morning.

It's before Noon why are you so cheerful anyway?

You could pretend to sleep but then you are forced to pretend like you are waking up when they come shake you. It is much simpler to play dead. When they come to shake you just stay limp and dangly like. Hopefully, they just panic and run away and you can go back to sleep.






5). To get out of stupid arguments you don't want to be involved in anymore.

I actually have done this before, it works rather well. A few times when The Man and I have been in some frivolous debate I simply got tired of it. I didn't see the point over debating who left the ketchup out on the counter. It's ketchup. It doesn't need to be refrigerated, it will survive the apocalypse and nuclear fall out. One night on the counter isn't going to hurt it. I looked him dead in the face and said "I don't feel like arguing anymore", then I flopped over, went limp and played dead.

He got really frustrated but I kept playing dead. Then he started whining that it wasn't fair and I still kept playing dead. Then he started laughing and hugged me. For me playing dead worked pretty well for stopping dumb debates.

I showed him this picture and he said "Oh. You playing dead." He gets so enthused about my doodles.

Customer Service

Warning: This post probably won't be so much funny as relatable.

Anyone that has worked with the general public knows what kind of butt heads there are out there. Some people just can't be pleased no matter how hard you try. Many times at the end of the day I end up feeling so defeated because I am forced to plaster a kind face on and be nice to people treating me like garbage.

Right now I have a menial job as a register jockey. What people don't seem to understand is I do more that just run a register. I clean, stock, front and face, take orders, handle cash, and do paper work. On top of this I have to plaster a kind face on and be nice to people that yell at me for things that are not my fault. For example: if they come in and don't know what pump they are on I have to do my best to figure out which one it is. I always ask to verify "That red truck over there?", "The tiny black car up here?" I only have 10 pumps to begin with so it usually isn't that hard. Sometimes people are busy chatting with other customers or yapping away on their cell phones. When I ask, I get the verification and put it on the pump. Sometimes its the wrong pump. When that happens I usually end up with a situation kind of like this:

When this happens I usually do my best to soothe them. Despite the fact I know it was their own mistake, I have to placate them and accept the blame for something that was not my fault to begin with.

While this is going on, I generally have a plethora of ideas going through my mind.

Generally, I'm thinking if they had shut their facehole for five seconds and paid attention to what I was asking this mistake would not have happened. I often find myself wondering why people continue to go into the same store if they have as many problems in that specific store as they claim. Finally, I usually wonder if they come in so often how is it they aren't aware that a manager is frequently not present?

However, I usually end the conversation by being a weenie. I soothe their irritated nerves, take the blame, fix whatever problem they may be having if it is within my power to do so then I tell them:

Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a wimp when it comes to my job, but I'm really a pushover.

Oh well. I drew some things to cheer myself up you wanna see what they are?

Doesn't that make you happy too?

Couples' Quirks

I think every couple has some weird quirk they tend to do with each other. The Man I Will One Day Marry (The Man henceforth) and I are not outside of this observation. Nomming, pinching, licking, staring, and playing dead are all things we have done. Would you like me to explain? No!? I'm going to explain anyway so leave then!

The Man used to lick my eyeball. I have no idea why this habit started, it annoyed me and I overreacted to it and I think that just encouraged him to continue to do so.

Somehow I think my screaming in agonized pain (I know that’s redundant but that's how much that crap hurts!) about the burning his saliva caused simply amused him. So I started licking his eye and it became an eyeball licking war. We would lie in wait and ambush each other only to hold the other down for a moment to lick the eye and then run away laughing like mad.

There was no home base the only time either was safe...was in the bathroom. The area neither one of us will breach for any purpose. We couldn't hide in there forever. There were many brief truces for the sake of avoiding coming-out-of-the-bathroom-ambushes.

These did not last long. The war always: no, inevitably continued.

We had a point where he had licked my eye and was waiting in fear for my revenge. Every time I was close I could stick my tongue out and watch him cringe in momentary fear that I was going to lick his eye.

I'm not sure how long my psychological torture continued. I think perhaps it was only a few days but it could have been as much as two weeks. I was sitting in his lap for a cuddle at one point and threatened to lick his eye, when he laughed at me. He actually laughed. This was not just any laugh; this was not a laugh of joy. This was a mocking laugh. This was the "nya-nya-nya-nya-nya-nya you can't get me kind of laugh". He then proceeded to say:

A glasses shield? The hell you say! Well I let him sit there to think as he would for a few minutes. Honestly, I was taken aback. A glasses shield? Who are you to tell me I can't do something because of a little piece of glass wrapped in wire rims.

Then I slowly leaned in smiling. He still looked smug. I slowed down even more and halted with my mouth almost pressed to the lens of his glasses.

He smirked.

I stuck my tongue out and pressed it to the lens of his glasses and then curled it under the rim and licked his eye. Glasses shields are no match for the tongue-war master.

I haven't really had to worry about him trying to lick my eyes since then. I get the occasional threat but I have a sneaky suspicion he learned his lesson after that one.

Update: The Man has taken this to be a challenge, I now fear for the safety of my eyeballs.

Smoking commercials: An analysis on why the media is selling cigarettes to our youth

Have you seen any of those no smoking commercials? They had some with people making huge conglomerated masses of themselves and then falling to the ground and playing dead, monkey's packing cigarettes, and the latest ploys... they have people with amputated limbs, immobility issues, and tracheotomy holes with strange voices.

Maybe I was a really strange little kid but if we had those commercials when I was little they would have only served to encourage me to smoke.

In my tiny child brain it would not have been health problems. To my child brain these things would have been thought of like this:

 

  See how the media is mistaken? The message is clear to adults and even older children but these commercials are not discouraging. Had I been a child and seen this commercials my child-logic would have encouraged me to begin smoking much younger. Congratulations television, you are convincing millions of little boys and girls to pick up smoking because your commercials make them cool. Nice going.

P.S. 

This is called satire if you can't tell on your own.

Motivation only goes so far.

I am a logical person. I knew when starting my blog(s) [there have been others], that I may spend the rest of eternity in loneliness and self-loathing. I have another one that I have just started using as an online diary. I keep most of that one set to private.

When I start a new blog I'm happy and enthusiastic and cheerful and elated....and a lot of other words that can stand in as synonyms.

I have had my other blog/diary for about 5 years, it never went anywhere, it has degraded into the shoulder I cry on when the self-loathing creeps up and nags me into the dark hollow that is the bottom of what is left of my heart.

You know you can just scratch blogs and insert any hobby I ever do. I've done photo editing with GIMP and I did indeed become better. It allowed me to do things like this:

And these:

And finally I did trickier things like this:

Now all I really do with GIMP is draw dinky doodles for this blog and cleanup pictures for friends like this:

I also made profile layouts for one site which I have now deleted. I think I made upwards of 80 and never went anywhere. I made Neopets accounts and played them. Designed a shop and signatures for the chat boards (which required learning some HTML), and finally got bored with that.

As a matter of fact the only thing I've managed to stick to and go anywhere with is college and I think that was mostly just to prove to everyone that I'm not stupid. After being in college for four years I'm not sure I accomplished anything but a thorough grasp APA formatting.

Without any feedback or something to encourage me, something that says "Hey you're going somewhere!" I tend to give up on things after a while.

I have learned something nice about keeping a blog here:

The Stats Page. Its this magical page that google has which allows one to see how popular or unpopular the interwebs thinks they are. As long as I keep getting a few views every day and my over-all numbers keep going up, I will keep trying to post interesting things on this blog.

So everyone here is my plea:

Kudos if you don't tilt your head to read the last part, don't be ashamed I do it too.